Sunday, January 31, 2010


Let's prove it.




Thursday, January 28, 2010


I'm not going to go off n start saying I'm a failure. All it does is make me think... "What's the point?" And I'll keep eating. I'm not a failure. I AM strong. You girls are the only ones I know of that push their bodies like I do. Days with no food is incredible to most people. 1000 calories for one day is "failing" to me. To anyone else... it's insane. Well... It's not okay that I ate 1000 calories yesterday... but it's not the end of the world. I'm not starting my ABC over today, because I didn't gain any weight... I'm going to just continue and try to make it 25 more days.

Calling ourselves "Fat fucking failures" is like telling ourselves there is no point in starvation... because we're going to fail. We need to be nicer to ourselves.

I'm stronger than a breakdown binge. I AM strong. I've proved this to myself before.

I'm at a battle with my body.

I know I can win this war.

I know I can be better than my body shows.

I can be something great.

I can have control. I just need to figure everything about me that proves otherwise, and turn them around.

I am strong. I can Prove this. I just need to have control. I will win this fight. I will love myself. I will be thin.



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

...MadeItToDayThree :)...

And I'm feelin pretty good!


I've decided.

If I can make it to day 25.

I'm getting my hips pierced.



That's all for now.

How's everyone doin?

Stay in control lovlies :)




Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Day two...

So far, so good.

Fasting again.

Drinking crystal light atm. :)


Is it weird that I'm not obsessed with working out?

I was...

I would for 3 hours every night.

But it just doesn't seem appealing anymore.

I want to start swimming on a regular basis.

Like... starting tomorrow?


I say that.

But i can never get myself up to actually do it.

So, no promises.

But tomorrow's a busy day.

Hastings run :)

But if I'm home by 7... we'll see.




Panic Disorder

Seems Harder, and harder, and harder

Still, you try to control.

<3 friggin love Blue October.


Im guna make it through 50 days of this ABC.


-Camille :)

Monday, January 25, 2010


Officially decided.

I have control.

I dug way down deep,

And realized all that I need...

To take this one step further.

To push myself harder than I ever have.

To find my limits.

To break those limits.

To love myself...

and my body.


Food is not worth all that it puts us through.

The discouragement.

The self-hatred.

It does nothing but make a mockery of us.

Who ever decided that food is necessary, anyways?

That person needs to be shot.



I'm guna try to get on later tonight,

But the school's computer is about to run out of battery.


Until then beautiful girls.

*The future holds...

A smaller me.

I just gota take this one slow day at a time.*



Thursday, January 21, 2010


I'm still on my fast.

This is just a thought.

Hoping maybe to help someone.




And why we do it.

Let's break this down.


Right before a binge.

Think back.

What was going through your head?

For me,

It's something like...

'Okay. You know what happends when you decide to eat after fasting. Just eat what you NEED to get through today and no more'

It sounds somewhat familiar at least right?


That first bite.

You feel incredible.


We've deprived ourselves, Lovlies.

And when we finally allow ourselves that tid-bit that our bodies have been BEGGING us for...

It feels good...


Our bodies try to trick us.

Because it doesn't know when it will have anything to live off of again.

It says...

'You've already taken that bite. One more. or 30. Won't make a difference'

And it truely and honestly DOES feel good for a while.

To allow ourselves to break free for just a moment.

But it proves deadly later.

When you lock yourself up in your room to let out your discouragement.

In other words.

It sucks.

Some try to live with it.

Some try to purge.

Some continue eating because they figure...

'Why the hell not?"


So. Post a comment.

Give some good advice.

Help a girl out.

Cause that's what we're here for.

Help. Motivation. Starvation.



Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Because apparently...

I'm 123.

I guessed my weight last post.

Thought I was around 130.

123. :)

Not bad!



I didn't eat much yesterday.

And I havn't eaten at all today! :)

Fasting days make me feel amazing.

I guess you guys know how I feel :)

Once I get through one day... day two. day three. and day four...

Seem like nothing.

but when i decide to eat after a fast...

It's sooo hard not to just binge my ass off.

So I try to just wait until 6:30 to eat anything.

Because I try not to eat after 7:00.

That way I can choose healthy meals and not feel AS bad about eating all that I do.



It's bout 12:30 in da mornin so I'm off to bed pretties.

I love you!


-Camille :)

Friday, January 15, 2010


Hello girlies.

It's been a while.

I know.


I've been eating normal (Under 2000 Cals) for the past week or so.

I was trying to decide if doing this to myself was worth it.

The verdict?


7 days of 2000 cals n i've gained almost 10 lbs.

I guess this little experiment put me back to square one...



Me n N broke up.

So no more wasting every free moment not exercising.

I'm back to this now.

Today after school I'm going home and working out for an hour before I go to work.

I don't know why I feel so motivated.

I don't know why I don't continue eating "normal".

Maybe it's because my body repulses me now.

Maybe because I miss seeing my hip bones.

My ribs.


I'm updating my ABC to make it a little more... doable?

Because by the 2nd week every time I start,

I have at least one binge day.

I'm ready to accomplish this.

I know I can...

And I will.


5 days a week...

I'm exercising.

Every week...

I have to have a 4-day-fast.

On days that I do eat...

I'll eat a yogurt, an apple, and a celery stick.

And nothing else.

If I feel like a binge, or eating ANYTHING besides what i've posted...

I'll chug 8 oz of water.

If that doesn't work...

I'll chew.

If THAT doesn't work...

I'll either work out, take a bath, clean, or just do them all to keep me preoccupied.


So those are my rules for now.

I may update them at some point...

but that should get me started.


What do you all do when you feel like binging?

I'm in need of some ideas.

Is anyone currently fasting?

Comment me :)


Thank you all for your *wonderful* support.

I love you all :)



Tuesday, January 5, 2010


For the next four days.

Nothing to drink but water and coffee.

Nothing to eat but gum.

Nothing to enjoy but chew and cigarettes.

Nothing to do but keep to myself.

My triggers are allowing myself anything besides this.

And I WILL NOT allow myself another failed night.

Falling asleep with my face burried in my pillow, trying to stiffle the cries.

I will make it through ABC.

I have to...


I'm doing the salt water flush when I get off of work tonight.


I'm not starting tomorrow.

I started today.


I think it's about time fer my period.

I'm bloated like crap.

And not from the bagels, cashews, vegies, and salad from last night.



By the way!

I'm going vegan. :)

Does anyone have some good recipies?

I love to cook... and I'm always up for something new!


I can't wait until I get home today.

I'm working out.

I've decided to make sure that I do 5 days a week.

Fair enough?

I skipped yesterday...

So today for sure.

And maybe I'll take friday off.

Or maybe I'll go 6 days?


My weight on a full stomach (last night) is 125.

It was 136 a two weeks ago :).

After one day of fasting...



I'll be posting my weight every day of ABC starting tonight.

Maybe it'll be some good motivation.

I'm feeling pretty in control right now.


Holy crap.

My tummy's a growlin' at meh.

Grrrr to you too :)


I wish I had more to post :/

Well... best of luck to you beautifuls.

I love you :)