Friday, March 19, 2010


I quit swimteam.

Got fired from my job.

Totally lost my social life.

Damn it. I'm just downright depressed.

I have absolutely nothing to look foward to in life.

Maybe my outlook will be better when I like my body. eh?

Alright. It's time for yet another dedicated fast. Hmm. 10 days?

Not too long... But long enough to do some real damage.

I ate at pizza hut with my family yesterday.

A small salad and two slices of pizza.

Bleck. But I havn't eaten today.

Tomorrow might be hard.

I'll do my best.

9 more days.



Monday, March 15, 2010


Red Hot Chili Peppers.



I don't think I'm guna eat yet today.

Seeing my hipbones gives me some motivation to just keep starving.

I'm not hungry, so there's no point in giving in to food's temptation today.

I drank a crap load of chocolate milk yesterday.. I deluded it with skim milk.. but still... ew.

Bah. At least it was liquid.


I'm on vacation this week.. So no scale til I get home.

I hope it's a good suprise.

Eat.. Don't Eat...

Prolly no.. but eh.. I duno.


Thank ya girlies fer yer comments...

I feel loved :)

N to Ella!

I just push through practices..

I'll sometimes eat a carrot like an hour before or a glass of milk just to ensure that I don't pass out.. lol.. But unfortunately yes.. I do go unconsious.. well.. a lot. But I've learned to deal with it.. It's just a part of this lil cycle.


Well.. I should be back on tomorrow.

Best a luck to ya pretties.


Friday, March 12, 2010


I haven't posted in a reallyyyy long time.

Sorry Chicas. :(.

Mainly due to the fact that I don't feel like I'm worth anyones time these days.


I've been oober depressed lately.

Like... Lock myself up in my room for 3 days, refuse to go to school, eat, talk to anyone, wallow in self-pity, depressed.

Well.. I'm at school today. Sitting in the corner, being the loner I am.

Still refusing to eat until monday (3 more days).

That's when I start my all-negative-calorie diet.

Carrots, cucumber, apple, mango, grapefruit, cauliflower, celery diet.

I can have ONE per day for one week.

Oh, and plus juice, coffee, water, sugar free energy drinks, skim milk, n such.

Well.. That's pretty much it for today girlies.

Thanks fer stickin with me, and putting up with all my complaining n such.

I love you guys!



Wednesday, March 3, 2010


7-Day fast starts today.
Swim team practice is after school from 4-5.
Then I'm headed out of town to pick up my new Chameleon!
*My lil gift to me for making it to... 'ahem'...115 :)

I've lost bone mass. I can literally see a difference in my rib shape.
Bout a week ago I decided that's not what I wanted. I tried re-evaluating my life. I decided that I wanted to start eating healthy. Quit smoking AND chewing. Not eat so much gum... 3 packs a day *cough cough*...

Failed MISERABLY. okay.. not miserably. But I couldn't even bring myself to eat PEANUT BUTTER ON WHEAT BREAD. It USED to be my favorite. but all i could think was "so many calories" so I drank some juice and went to bed.

Nowadays... when I do decide to eat, It's 1/2 a cup of lettuce with 1TBS low cal italian dressing, Wheat rice with lemon juice and cayanne pepper, and two cups of water. That's all that feel comfortable eating anymore.

I'm guna weigh myself tonight and I'll try to post again when I do.

I'm trying just to maintain 115. But in the back of my head... I hope I've lost more.

*Crosses fingers*

Hope all is well with you ladies.



Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Yesterday I had so much energy.

I just wanted to have all of my stresses gone.

So... I started working at them one by one.

I didn't eat a thing and only drank water and black coffee for almost three days.

But last night was the first practice for swimteam and I NEEDED something in my system.

So i had a half a cup of wheat rice with lemon juice and cayanne pepper, one cup of a salad with low cal italian dressing, and a FOURTH of a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato and no dressing.

I did NOT binge. I can FINALLY say that I fasted... and had CONTROL when I decided to eat a little of something. :)

I woke up this morning, ran my hands over my shrinking stomach, and smiled.

I wasn't bloated. There was no binge belly. I knew today was going to be amazing.

No food today.

I've decided instead of setting goals.. I'm just going to take it a day at a time.



So this swim team stuff.

We have practice EVERY day... except for sundays.

All practices are an hour to an hour and a half.

And we HAVE to be there.

If we're not, We have to make it up.

If we don't, We're off the team.

I love swimming. It works every muscle in your body and you feel so incredible gliding through the water.


I'm weighing myself today.

Dad took the scale to the girls wrestling tournament this weekend (he's the wrestling club's coach) so i haven't had it during fasting. But since I didn't eat much last night, I should be about the same.

How's everyone's plans working out for them?

Until tonight lovlies!


-Camille :)