Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I overcame it all.
And I shot right back to where I started.
I have a new blog.
Watch as I continue my spiral.
Hopefully not with the same ending as the last time.
I love you girls.
You're all I have to look foward to every day.
Thanks so much for supporting me no matter how shitty things get.


Saturday, July 3, 2010


131 lbs.

I want you back Ana.

Need you.

Can you hear me?

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


I miss Ana.

I really, truely, and honestly do.

Should I come back to her?

Will she still love me like before?

Be there for me when nobody else will?

She was my everything.


Do I want to risk everything again though?

I need some advice..

How're you girls getting along?


Friday, April 16, 2010


In the last month I decided to try this the "Healthy way".


I havn't worked out once.

But I have not binged in over a month.

I went vegetarian :)

It's so much easier not to binge when you know that you made such a big commitment.


I know nobody here will probably follow my footsteps, but I don't want to be 500 lbs when I get older, so I figure I might as well get my metabolism trained now :).

I have a new boyfriend. He's amazing. We've only been together liiiikeee... 5 days? lol. But nonetheless. Amazing. :)

Daddy got mad at me Tuesday night. I missed school because I threw up. He didn't believe me. I am now the ashamed little girl keeping her eyes on her feet to make sure her hair is in her face and doesn't reveal the bruises underneath. I'm sorry if you don't wana hear it. But I figure, I gota tell someone. Why not the girls who have been with me through the hardest times in my life?


I'll start getting on more often again. Let you know how life's going. And if I ever decide to fall back into my habits, someone please talk me out of it :)

Love you girls.


Friday, March 19, 2010


I quit swimteam.

Got fired from my job.

Totally lost my social life.

Damn it. I'm just downright depressed.

I have absolutely nothing to look foward to in life.

Maybe my outlook will be better when I like my body. eh?

Alright. It's time for yet another dedicated fast. Hmm. 10 days?

Not too long... But long enough to do some real damage.

I ate at pizza hut with my family yesterday.

A small salad and two slices of pizza.

Bleck. But I havn't eaten today.

Tomorrow might be hard.

I'll do my best.

9 more days.



Monday, March 15, 2010


Red Hot Chili Peppers.



I don't think I'm guna eat yet today.

Seeing my hipbones gives me some motivation to just keep starving.

I'm not hungry, so there's no point in giving in to food's temptation today.

I drank a crap load of chocolate milk yesterday.. I deluded it with skim milk.. but still... ew.

Bah. At least it was liquid.


I'm on vacation this week.. So no scale til I get home.

I hope it's a good suprise.

Eat.. Don't Eat...

Prolly no.. but eh.. I duno.


Thank ya girlies fer yer comments...

I feel loved :)

N to Ella!

I just push through practices..

I'll sometimes eat a carrot like an hour before or a glass of milk just to ensure that I don't pass out.. lol.. But unfortunately yes.. I do go unconsious.. well.. a lot. But I've learned to deal with it.. It's just a part of this lil cycle.


Well.. I should be back on tomorrow.

Best a luck to ya pretties.


Friday, March 12, 2010


I haven't posted in a reallyyyy long time.

Sorry Chicas. :(.

Mainly due to the fact that I don't feel like I'm worth anyones time these days.


I've been oober depressed lately.

Like... Lock myself up in my room for 3 days, refuse to go to school, eat, talk to anyone, wallow in self-pity, depressed.

Well.. I'm at school today. Sitting in the corner, being the loner I am.

Still refusing to eat until monday (3 more days).

That's when I start my all-negative-calorie diet.

Carrots, cucumber, apple, mango, grapefruit, cauliflower, celery diet.

I can have ONE per day for one week.

Oh, and plus juice, coffee, water, sugar free energy drinks, skim milk, n such.

Well.. That's pretty much it for today girlies.

Thanks fer stickin with me, and putting up with all my complaining n such.

I love you guys!



Wednesday, March 3, 2010


7-Day fast starts today.
Swim team practice is after school from 4-5.
Then I'm headed out of town to pick up my new Chameleon!
*My lil gift to me for making it to... 'ahem'...115 :)

I've lost bone mass. I can literally see a difference in my rib shape.
Bout a week ago I decided that's not what I wanted. I tried re-evaluating my life. I decided that I wanted to start eating healthy. Quit smoking AND chewing. Not eat so much gum... 3 packs a day *cough cough*...

Failed MISERABLY. okay.. not miserably. But I couldn't even bring myself to eat PEANUT BUTTER ON WHEAT BREAD. It USED to be my favorite. but all i could think was "so many calories" so I drank some juice and went to bed.

Nowadays... when I do decide to eat, It's 1/2 a cup of lettuce with 1TBS low cal italian dressing, Wheat rice with lemon juice and cayanne pepper, and two cups of water. That's all that feel comfortable eating anymore.

I'm guna weigh myself tonight and I'll try to post again when I do.

I'm trying just to maintain 115. But in the back of my head... I hope I've lost more.

*Crosses fingers*

Hope all is well with you ladies.



Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Yesterday I had so much energy.

I just wanted to have all of my stresses gone.

So... I started working at them one by one.

I didn't eat a thing and only drank water and black coffee for almost three days.

But last night was the first practice for swimteam and I NEEDED something in my system.

So i had a half a cup of wheat rice with lemon juice and cayanne pepper, one cup of a salad with low cal italian dressing, and a FOURTH of a turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomato and no dressing.

I did NOT binge. I can FINALLY say that I fasted... and had CONTROL when I decided to eat a little of something. :)

I woke up this morning, ran my hands over my shrinking stomach, and smiled.

I wasn't bloated. There was no binge belly. I knew today was going to be amazing.

No food today.

I've decided instead of setting goals.. I'm just going to take it a day at a time.



So this swim team stuff.

We have practice EVERY day... except for sundays.

All practices are an hour to an hour and a half.

And we HAVE to be there.

If we're not, We have to make it up.

If we don't, We're off the team.

I love swimming. It works every muscle in your body and you feel so incredible gliding through the water.


I'm weighing myself today.

Dad took the scale to the girls wrestling tournament this weekend (he's the wrestling club's coach) so i haven't had it during fasting. But since I didn't eat much last night, I should be about the same.

How's everyone's plans working out for them?

Until tonight lovlies!


-Camille :)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I've been eating the last couple of days.

Not binging... just eating.

But anyways.

I'm at 118.


I'm commiting to a 13 day fast.

That way it will end on a sunday.

And I can start my diet the next monday. :)

If I actually make it through the entire 13 days..

I should weigh in at under 110.

Which is my current goal.


I'm also going to start running every day.

4 miles.

I'll start tomorrow by walking one mile. Running the next. walking. and then running again.

woohoo. lol.


Well. More tomorrow pretties.


-Camille :)

Saturday, February 20, 2010


My weight is 116.5 :)

Which means I've gained no weight since my little binge 2 nights ago.

Of course... I havn't eaten since then...

But... bah.

I'm still happy :)


I'm going to continue fasting for at LEAST 7 more days.

Wish me luck!

I hope all is well in the outside world.



Thursday, February 18, 2010


Oopsies :)

I let the salad get the better of me.

10 more days dedicated to pure water! (and maybe a cup or two of black coffee)

Starting over.

Day 1!




I'll be on tonight to post my weight!



-Camille! :)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Okay. Still fasting. This is day 8. I'm still completely devoted to making it through the entire 15 days. But it's getting harder to hide.

I guess my friend noticed. He asked me when I was going to start eating again... :/

But I'm not feeling as strong anymore. In fact. I feel like I could pass out at any given moment. I'm no longer leading this fast. It's dragging me through today. I just hope tomorrow is easier.

I so badly want to indulge. But I can't. I wont.

So instead. Light-headed and quesy. I'll drink another cup of water. And workout. Here's to day 8 ladies.

I'll be on later tonight to post my weight.

I want so badly for it to say 115. It has to.



Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I found the scale!


Are you ready?!

Pre-fast weight: 123.9

Current weight: ... wait for it... 116.5.

This is incredible.

I can't wait to get through the rest of the 8 days!

Our goals CAN be reached!


-AVeryHappy...Camille :)


Day 7: Complete success.

I have officially been fasting for exactly 7 full days on nothing but water, coffee, and the occasional cup of fat-free hot chocolate made with water just to curb my chocolate addiction :p

I feel absolutely incredible. Fasting is the best high there is or ever has been.

I put on a bikini this morning. Just for the inside-y satisfaction of seeing some incredible results.

I'm heading upstair right now to try on my size *5!!* jeans. My 7s are currently too big... ;)

I'm excited.

Still no scale. But dad says he'll put it back after the wrestling tunament. Continue the fast until I see my weight! :) I feel so good right now.

More later pretty girls!


-Camille :)

Monday, February 15, 2010


I made it all the way through day 5.

This is my day 6.

I was considering making my fast longer... but we'll see how the first 15 days goes first.


My parents are starting to get suspicious.

"Didju eat?"


"What did you have?"

"Cereal this morning, lunch I had a turkey sandwich, and supper I had chicken noodle soup."

"Bullshit, Camille."

"Whatever, dad. I did."

"Camille, you look sick."

"I'm not wearing as much makeup today."

"Yeah, Whatever."


No, I don't like lying to him.

But. Ima do whatever it takes...



Sunday, February 14, 2010


Day 5 of 15-day-fast: Accomplished.

I've taken pictures of my neck down to my thighs every day so far.

I havn't decided yet if I want to post them or not.


Maybe I'll just do a "Before" and "After" thing.

Welp. Off to shower.

Have a great night ladies.


-Camille :)

Saturday, February 13, 2010


Here's to Day 4 of the 15 day fast!

I'm super excited.

The longest I've ever gone is 5 days.

And I binged that night.

I'm really stoked to exceed my last limit.


I'm going to make it through the entire 15 days.

I've lost my apetite completely.

Sure... I smell yummy foods... and I'm kind of like.. what if..?


I ALWAYS talk myself out of it.

Usually it's harder to...

But it's been really easy this time around.



My dad usually keeps a scale downstairs..

but they hid it from me


So I havn't been able to weigh myself since the beginning of this fast.


I'm going to the store RIGHT NOW to buy my very own.

Ima hide it in my closet.

haha :p


I'll post my weight later!

Stay strong girlies!



P.S. - To the two girls joining me in the fast:

You girls are amazing.

Truely thinspirational!

I love you my dears!

- To all of my dear followers:

You keep me motivated.

You're my reason to be thin.

Thank you all very much :)

Thursday, February 11, 2010


I thank you very much for your support in my 15 day fast.


After day 5, thing's will be easier.

Right now. My mom's on my case.

But no matter what.

I'm not eating A THING until those 15 days are up.


I'm doing this for me.

I'm doing this for you girls.

And I'm doing this to prove anyone who ever doubted me wrong.

Just because...

I'm strong.

And girls, you are too.


It's going to take dedication, commitment, strength, and control.

But ladies, we got it.

We got this.







As long as we can help eachother through this :)

Always remember,


Love always,



1 day down girlies!

14 to go.

And to answer your question...

I'm doing a water fast, yes.

Every few days I might have some juice.. you know.. just in case.

Sorry for such short posts. :(

I promise I'll be on tonight to update :)



Wednesday, February 10, 2010


I'm commiting to a 15 day fast.

Here's to day one :)

I'm going to be on, posting, commenting, and viewing.

122 lbs.

By the end of this I'm going to weigh less then 110.


I'm also working out every day.

No excuses.

Wish me luck!

N if you wana join me, I'm all for it :)



Sunday, February 7, 2010


I've managed to get down to 120... And stay there. :)

Next goal? 115.

I've been working out.

And I havn't eaten more than a salad every day (if I do eat).

Another week n I'll be checking in again!


-Camille :)

Monday, February 1, 2010


After I get through one week of ABC...

I'll be back to post more.


I'll keep watching your profiles, of course.

Start weight as of this morning... 125.

25 days from now...

I WILL weigh 115.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me.

You're my thinspo.



Sunday, January 31, 2010


Let's prove it.




Thursday, January 28, 2010


I'm not going to go off n start saying I'm a failure. All it does is make me think... "What's the point?" And I'll keep eating. I'm not a failure. I AM strong. You girls are the only ones I know of that push their bodies like I do. Days with no food is incredible to most people. 1000 calories for one day is "failing" to me. To anyone else... it's insane. Well... It's not okay that I ate 1000 calories yesterday... but it's not the end of the world. I'm not starting my ABC over today, because I didn't gain any weight... I'm going to just continue and try to make it 25 more days.

Calling ourselves "Fat fucking failures" is like telling ourselves there is no point in starvation... because we're going to fail. We need to be nicer to ourselves.

I'm stronger than a breakdown binge. I AM strong. I've proved this to myself before.

I'm at a battle with my body.

I know I can win this war.

I know I can be better than my body shows.

I can be something great.

I can have control. I just need to figure everything about me that proves otherwise, and turn them around.

I am strong. I can Prove this. I just need to have control. I will win this fight. I will love myself. I will be thin.



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

...MadeItToDayThree :)...

And I'm feelin pretty good!


I've decided.

If I can make it to day 25.

I'm getting my hips pierced.



That's all for now.

How's everyone doin?

Stay in control lovlies :)




Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Day two...

So far, so good.

Fasting again.

Drinking crystal light atm. :)


Is it weird that I'm not obsessed with working out?

I was...

I would for 3 hours every night.

But it just doesn't seem appealing anymore.

I want to start swimming on a regular basis.

Like... starting tomorrow?


I say that.

But i can never get myself up to actually do it.

So, no promises.

But tomorrow's a busy day.

Hastings run :)

But if I'm home by 7... we'll see.




Panic Disorder

Seems Harder, and harder, and harder

Still, you try to control.

<3 friggin love Blue October.


Im guna make it through 50 days of this ABC.


-Camille :)

Monday, January 25, 2010


Officially decided.

I have control.

I dug way down deep,

And realized all that I need...

To take this one step further.

To push myself harder than I ever have.

To find my limits.

To break those limits.

To love myself...

and my body.


Food is not worth all that it puts us through.

The discouragement.

The self-hatred.

It does nothing but make a mockery of us.

Who ever decided that food is necessary, anyways?

That person needs to be shot.



I'm guna try to get on later tonight,

But the school's computer is about to run out of battery.


Until then beautiful girls.

*The future holds...

A smaller me.

I just gota take this one slow day at a time.*



Thursday, January 21, 2010


I'm still on my fast.

This is just a thought.

Hoping maybe to help someone.




And why we do it.

Let's break this down.


Right before a binge.

Think back.

What was going through your head?

For me,

It's something like...

'Okay. You know what happends when you decide to eat after fasting. Just eat what you NEED to get through today and no more'

It sounds somewhat familiar at least right?


That first bite.

You feel incredible.


We've deprived ourselves, Lovlies.

And when we finally allow ourselves that tid-bit that our bodies have been BEGGING us for...

It feels good...


Our bodies try to trick us.

Because it doesn't know when it will have anything to live off of again.

It says...

'You've already taken that bite. One more. or 30. Won't make a difference'

And it truely and honestly DOES feel good for a while.

To allow ourselves to break free for just a moment.

But it proves deadly later.

When you lock yourself up in your room to let out your discouragement.

In other words.

It sucks.

Some try to live with it.

Some try to purge.

Some continue eating because they figure...

'Why the hell not?"


So. Post a comment.

Give some good advice.

Help a girl out.

Cause that's what we're here for.

Help. Motivation. Starvation.



Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Because apparently...

I'm 123.

I guessed my weight last post.

Thought I was around 130.

123. :)

Not bad!



I didn't eat much yesterday.

And I havn't eaten at all today! :)

Fasting days make me feel amazing.

I guess you guys know how I feel :)

Once I get through one day... day two. day three. and day four...

Seem like nothing.

but when i decide to eat after a fast...

It's sooo hard not to just binge my ass off.

So I try to just wait until 6:30 to eat anything.

Because I try not to eat after 7:00.

That way I can choose healthy meals and not feel AS bad about eating all that I do.



It's bout 12:30 in da mornin so I'm off to bed pretties.

I love you!


-Camille :)

Friday, January 15, 2010


Hello girlies.

It's been a while.

I know.


I've been eating normal (Under 2000 Cals) for the past week or so.

I was trying to decide if doing this to myself was worth it.

The verdict?


7 days of 2000 cals n i've gained almost 10 lbs.

I guess this little experiment put me back to square one...



Me n N broke up.

So no more wasting every free moment not exercising.

I'm back to this now.

Today after school I'm going home and working out for an hour before I go to work.

I don't know why I feel so motivated.

I don't know why I don't continue eating "normal".

Maybe it's because my body repulses me now.

Maybe because I miss seeing my hip bones.

My ribs.


I'm updating my ABC to make it a little more... doable?

Because by the 2nd week every time I start,

I have at least one binge day.

I'm ready to accomplish this.

I know I can...

And I will.


5 days a week...

I'm exercising.

Every week...

I have to have a 4-day-fast.

On days that I do eat...

I'll eat a yogurt, an apple, and a celery stick.

And nothing else.

If I feel like a binge, or eating ANYTHING besides what i've posted...

I'll chug 8 oz of water.

If that doesn't work...

I'll chew.

If THAT doesn't work...

I'll either work out, take a bath, clean, or just do them all to keep me preoccupied.


So those are my rules for now.

I may update them at some point...

but that should get me started.


What do you all do when you feel like binging?

I'm in need of some ideas.

Is anyone currently fasting?

Comment me :)


Thank you all for your *wonderful* support.

I love you all :)



Tuesday, January 5, 2010


For the next four days.

Nothing to drink but water and coffee.

Nothing to eat but gum.

Nothing to enjoy but chew and cigarettes.

Nothing to do but keep to myself.

My triggers are allowing myself anything besides this.

And I WILL NOT allow myself another failed night.

Falling asleep with my face burried in my pillow, trying to stiffle the cries.

I will make it through ABC.

I have to...


I'm doing the salt water flush when I get off of work tonight.


I'm not starting tomorrow.

I started today.


I think it's about time fer my period.

I'm bloated like crap.

And not from the bagels, cashews, vegies, and salad from last night.



By the way!

I'm going vegan. :)

Does anyone have some good recipies?

I love to cook... and I'm always up for something new!


I can't wait until I get home today.

I'm working out.

I've decided to make sure that I do 5 days a week.

Fair enough?

I skipped yesterday...

So today for sure.

And maybe I'll take friday off.

Or maybe I'll go 6 days?


My weight on a full stomach (last night) is 125.

It was 136 a two weeks ago :).

After one day of fasting...



I'll be posting my weight every day of ABC starting tonight.

Maybe it'll be some good motivation.

I'm feeling pretty in control right now.


Holy crap.

My tummy's a growlin' at meh.

Grrrr to you too :)


I wish I had more to post :/

Well... best of luck to you beautifuls.

I love you :)