...Destructive...

Had a bit of a binge yesterday.

:/

1 salad
1 bowl of soup
8 chips with salsa
3 pickles
4 cookies

Total: 984

Damn.

I got to 120 yesterday...

Before I stuffed my face.

I weighed myself this morning...

126.4

I'm starving until I reach 120 again.

Last time, it took 4 days. But last time, I started at 136.

So, I'm hoping that it'll all be gone by sunday.

If I decide to eat on monday... I WILL stay under 100 calories.

No matter how healthy it is, what the calorie count is, It won't pass my lips until my goal is reached.

~~~~

Yesterday, my cousin asked me to hold her baby boy. I did. It was fine at first, until I started blacking out. I sat down and realized that I hadn't eaten in 4 days. It probably wasn't a good idea to twirl around in circles, holding a baby.

The dizzy spells are getting worse.

I can't stand up (no matter how careful, or how slowly) without getting tunnel vision and seeing those weird little spots.

Most of the time... I just sit back down, breath, and try again.

I feel so weak, and yet I feel so strong.

~~~~

My current goal is 120.

My goal when I reach that is to eat 300 calories...

And then starve until I reach 115.

My ultimate goal is 105.

It seems so far away, and yet...

It's within reach.

And that's my motivation.

~~~~

Good luck to all of you beautiful girls.

.ThinkThin.StayStrong.

-Camille